lallo in heaven

LALOO DIED!
Rabri (his wife) was very worried whether Laloo would be able to
make it to heaven, so she decided to try & contact his spirit by
having a seance. (black magic used to contact the dead). Sure
enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling
to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering,

"Helloooooooo Rabri, this is meeee..."

"Oh dear Lalooji," she answered. "I just need to know if you're
happy there in your after-life. What's it like there?"

"Oooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo
answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures
are much more lush and green than I ever expected .... and, above
all, there are no scams! And the only thing we do, all day long,
are, eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."

"Thank God, you reached heaven," his Rabri cried, wiping some tears.
<
<
<
<
<
<

<
<
<
"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm reborn..... "I'm a buffalo
in
Switzerland"........................

Laugh Riot

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes
but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?

****************************
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain. Please tell them your age!

****************************
Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of
success. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He then created me.

****************************
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.

****************************
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.  Kanjoos:
10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.

****************************
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.

****************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa
de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.

****************************
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.

****************************
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.

****************************
Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil? Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.

****************************
Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

****************************
Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.

****************************
PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.

Sardarji

Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main   Bol Raha Hoon".  The other sardar replies "Kamaal

Hain, Ithe Vi Main   Bol Raha Hoon!"

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table. The guest asked what is this?  The Sardar didn't know English, he said "Milk sleeping in night,   morning becomes tight"

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He is thinking for a novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did one thing,     he bought the ticket and didn't travel.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha!  Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****).  The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. Its 1258."

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 What is the height of stupidity?

 2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat  

 ----------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------

 Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
 Driver: Which part?
 Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai  kya?'
 'Haan' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl! So girl shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!'  And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!'

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket  counter  with two men ahead of him.  'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.  'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket.  Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'  'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the   clerk.  'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaj Tak gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at  Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.   The correspondent goes to him and asks, "Sardarji how did it happen?"  Sardar: "Oh ji pucho mat. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee  express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi   PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi."

Aaj tak: "Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode."  

Sardar: "oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liye patri par hi leta  tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya."

 

plz read them all its amazing

Question: An elephant was in love with a
she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some
other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to
a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song
would
our hero sing?

Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."



Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love
with each other and  want to get married, but
cannot.
Why?

Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
illegal.



Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
for
all his bad deeds.  He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had
caused.
So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram
opened  the  door and was surprised to find Ravan
standing there. Ravan just kept  staring  and
thinking
but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"



Question: How do you "cut" roads?

Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
raaste".




Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and
pass
by a well. Luv falls into the well. Why?

Ans: Because Luv is blind.

Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?

Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!


Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya
hai?...........

...........

.........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?

Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chan ki saans - D'Cold



Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka
naam
kya hai? ..........

.............
This one's really simple...

Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu
thi
:-)


A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A
software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"




Question: What do you call a person who is leaving
India?

Ans: Hindustan Lever.


Question: What do you call a person who leaves
India,
but doesn't  travel much?

Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited.



Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
elephants
were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female
elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants
say
about her?

Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!



Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha. Uska
naam kya tha?

Ans: Adidas.



Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
Kumble
brings a bottle, but takes it directly to
Tendulkar.
Why?

Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.



Question: What is the similarity between
Satynarayan
pooja and the Indian cricket team?

Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai.



Question: Who is Joe?

Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
Joe!"



Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie
"my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he
really
want to see?

Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.



these will make u fall off ur chair!!


Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet
Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya
hai???

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as
InternetExplorer.

If you don't know...

Scroll down for the answer...
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
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> >>>Scroll further down
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> >>>A bit more
> >>>
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> >>>
The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.

And the song goes....

Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)
Mausam ne lee angada IE
To kis baat ki hai lada IE
Tu chal........ Main IE !!!
>
>
>
>
>
Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) :
Phulwa,RaamPyaari, RaamDulari,RaamPuri and
RaamChuri
were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden,
Phulwa
started to sing a song. the moment Phulwa stopped
singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri
and
RaamChuri fell down
from the wall !!!...
WHY ???
scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . . .

>
>
>
>
>
> >>>.
> >>>.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> not getting, very simple yaar..
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>
>
> coz, they all started clapping !!!!
>
>
>
>
>
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>
> Ek Aur
>
> PJ Isse kehte hain.........
>
Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. lecture ke
baad use
bhookh lagti hai. so he goes to the canteen.
canteen
mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav
khane ke
liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein
"jannat" likha hai.

To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska
lecture attend karke aa raha hai, us proffessor
ka
naam kya hai???
guess
scroll down for the answer
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>..
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>.
> >>>
The answer is

Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....

Don't scratch ur head this is a song from film
"Dil
> >>>Se"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>One More
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
What wud u call a Gal who never laughs....?
....and the Answer is..........
>
>
>
>>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> >>>
> >>>
>
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>..
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.Scroll down.
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.
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> >>>
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>
> >>>..
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.Just One Scroll ..
> >>>
> >>>.
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> >>>..
> >>>
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> >>>
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> >>>..
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> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
> >>>.
> >>>
HASINA !

PS: hottest pie in the town


This one will make u mad..........

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek.........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........
He is supposed to count upto 100
...and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rightin front of Einstein...........
 Einsteins counting......
97,98,99.....
 
100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newtons out..newtons....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims tht he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........
how.................
> >>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>scroll down.........
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>....scroll down......... further..............
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>.......
> >>>
> >>>.............
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>...................Scroll little......
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>His proof:
> >>>
> >>>Newton says:
> >>>I am standing in a square of area 1m square.....
> >>>That means i am Newton per meter square......
> >>>Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter
square =Pascal